Goings on and half empty glasses

I work on an acute care psychiatric unit. Great for having ego killed off. It's like a pressure cooker most days. Most days I feel I fail utterly. Having 18 patients in their own private hells trying to drag you in is hard. There is constant verbal abuse, not infrequent physical attacks and pressure from the business side to have them all write good reviews. Our insurance reimbursement depends on that. 

Staying in the moment while being hypervigilent is tricky. And often an illusion. Safety depends on this balance. Doing all this without ulcers is something I continue to work on. I lose focus too often. Get caught up. One moment of that can lead to a whole lot of retribution. Between the paranoid, the stressed beyond spa aping point and the antisocial "feed me, house me and let me be, or tonight is going to go bad," there is a unit to run, groups to be done, and workers who have their own issues. 

And this is where I learn. My conflict is the need for control and order. My afflictive  emotions are poked nonstop. Somewhere in this, beings' suffering can get lost and labeled. The divide gets established. 

I attended teachings on the 12 links over the weekend. Going to find an example tonight and go through them in a micro moment way in my next post. 

Time to stop telling myself stories and take it as it comes.