Nepal’s Earthquake and Buddhist Prayer

Nepal: birthplace of the historical Buddha and current home to many, many Buddhists and Buddhist sites, monasteries, nunneries, regular folk trying to scratch out a living and countless animals and insects. The massive earthquake was much stronger than the one that hit Haiti and most of the stone villages look like landslide areas. Remember that earthquake magnitude goes up logarithmically, so .9 bigger means the shaking was 9 times harder than it was in Haiti. I know, right? Just unbelievably strong.
My newsfeed has been filled with photos of rescues, tent cities (mostly not waterproof in a rainy dry season – per Kopan’s Facebook page - thank you climate change), young monks giving away their blankets, trucks of monks and supplies heading for the worst hit regions and a veterinary team helping every animal they can (see here for just a small sample). Buddhists aren’t just about saving humans, they are about saving all beings.  It has been heartwarming and amazing to watch.
The part that bothers me is the part that has always been at odds with this former Methodist farm girl: the “Pray for Nepal” posts. The idea of intercessory prayer in Buddhism runs into my memories of tent revivals and everything feels very off-balance for a while. I never claim to know things. This blog is about my process. Bear with me and comment later if you feel the urge.
His Holiness the Karmapa led a monlam (prayer service) in Manhattan on May 2nd. I emailed his office, by the way, to see if the Gyalwang Karmapa page is run by them, just to make sure my unfriending tale of woe was their click and not that of a random person who named a page Gyalwang Karmapa. No word yet. Back to the point. The service is available online here and consisted of the prayers one would expect for the deceased and suffering beings in whose honor they were said.
However, I still find myself reflecting on the warnings His Holiness gave in Kingston before conferring the Refuge vow not to use the Buddhas or Refuge as mundane gods (bellhops, waiters, etc.). I am not saying mundane requests apply in this case. Motivations for the safety and enlightenment of all those beings is awesome. I am just always back and forth on the connotations to Westerners.
Most Buddhist prayer is, ultimately, to identify and become familiar with the aspects of the Buddha (we already possess) whose practice we are doing and then to work toward embodying these qualities. As I understand it, at any rate. Further, Lama Zopa Rinpoche has said something about the Buddhas and bodhisattvas having made vows to lead all beings to enlightenment and emanating, so even if we can not see them due to our own obscurations, they are listening and help out to complete their goal and fulfill their vows. It is nice to think that our asking gives them opportunity to do so. It seems a little weird to me, but so does eating peas, so who am I to say I know things?
Buddhist prayer isn’t about journaling to some higher power in a counselor/ Santa Claus kind of way. It is focusing on others and working to close the gap our minds create between ourselves and others. Praying for the victims of the earthquake isn’t even necessarily about praying to anyone other than our own future totally enlightened self who can emanate anywhere anytime and help. That is probably just me making things up, but I wonder. And I find wondering useful. It gives me new things to ask the Lamas and bothering Lamas is something I seem to excel at. Perhaps my role is in teaching them patience? My task is to stop overthinking. Or to think more wisely. Asking fulfills many roles.
So I do pray for those beings, and all beings. I just wonder about the details.
Thanks for listening.

Unfriended by Gyalwang Karmapa

Earth Day is one of my favorite days. And HH Karmapa is one of my favorite beings. Two great things in the same post seems a no brainer. The post was accompanied by the following picture, artist noted, etc. (click to see original) I liked the post, as I had so many before, but there was something about the growths on the neck, so I said I found the picture a bit disturbing.

BAM!!! By the time I left work that day, it was done. Evidently, one can not be kicked off a page one likes, but the ability to like, comment, message or post was totally and irrevocably gone. I looked for a way to open dialogue. The contact website is His blog, but there is no way to contact anyone at the blog. All of the contact information is for His office in India.

That is when it really hit me. I was being shunned by the actual representatives of HH the 17^th Gyalwang Karmapa. No message to ask me to reconsider my comment, no simple deletion of my comment (although that was gone as well), just the sledge hammer of doom square on my head. To say this made going to see Him at Kagyu Thubten Choling the 24^th difficult is an understatement. I was in awe and happy to see him, but profoundly sad. It would be only the third time I had ever seen Him and I felt I had done something terrible to Him somehow. My opinion was in some way so reprehensible as to cause His office to find a way for me to never ever voice one again.

There is incongruity in all of this. The Karmapa's message is so different from the beat down I took online. That is what I focus on in the aftermath. I am working out which ego buttons got pushed and using my shunning as instruction. What else can I do? His staff are just people doing the best they can. At KTC He talked about seeing the behaviors of all beings as symptoms of the pervasive illness of the kleshas, mental afflictions so ingrained in us that they follow from life to life, controlling and even possessing us. I will try to see them as such. This does not make it bother me less for now.

Having learned my lesson regarding never ever saying anything but “Karmapa Chenno” in the comments to posts, I have since done the only thing one can do online that is much less possible offline: re-invented my Facebook self and opened a new account. A do-over of sorts. It is long overdue, actually. Unfriending is not my style, so I will maintain both. One for co-workers and those who have friended me here and there, and this new one for those who want more than cat pics and jokes from life. The new me will be far more careful not to be shunned or unfriended by the Karmapa.

Full Length Prostrations and Karmapa

Believe me when I say I will be posting on the Karmapa's visit soon. With links and even a shot of me in the crowd. Still in the midst of it, though, so posting Wednesday.

Today, however, I discovered that those sliding disks for moving furniture without harming your floor or back are great for prostrations! Use ones that are rectangular. Place them in front of you on the floor, please hands on them instead of carpet, do prostration, stand up. 

Ngondro just got a bit easier on the hands. 

Goings on and half empty glasses

I work on an acute care psychiatric unit. Great for having ego killed off. It's like a pressure cooker most days. Most days I feel I fail utterly. Having 18 patients in their own private hells trying to drag you in is hard. There is constant verbal abuse, not infrequent physical attacks and pressure from the business side to have them all write good reviews. Our insurance reimbursement depends on that. 

Staying in the moment while being hypervigilent is tricky. And often an illusion. Safety depends on this balance. Doing all this without ulcers is something I continue to work on. I lose focus too often. Get caught up. One moment of that can lead to a whole lot of retribution. Between the paranoid, the stressed beyond spa aping point and the antisocial "feed me, house me and let me be, or tonight is going to go bad," there is a unit to run, groups to be done, and workers who have their own issues. 

And this is where I learn. My conflict is the need for control and order. My afflictive  emotions are poked nonstop. Somewhere in this, beings' suffering can get lost and labeled. The divide gets established. 

I attended teachings on the 12 links over the weekend. Going to find an example tonight and go through them in a micro moment way in my next post. 

Time to stop telling myself stories and take it as it comes. 

Karma and Reincarnation Trump "Meditation"

In my You Tube wanderings, I came upon this. Lama Zopa Rinpoche is my root guru. Amazing being. Ordained me once upon a lifetime. Long story. Another time.

Anyway, this teaching really struck a nerve and turned on a light bulb of blue headlight high beam brilliance. I think i have been going about this ass backwards in some respects.

Trying to swim against the current of the karmic river i created is of no use really. What matters is what is done now, in this ever-emerging moment. Whatever comes comes, but my reaction to and understanding of it is the point and the way to calm the rapids.

Reincarnation and karma mean no dependently arisen sentient being comes into this life with a clean slate. Like it or not, we have all done stuff in our pasts that is going to come along and either help or harm us. We did that, not whoever or whatever we blame. Trust me, i have blamed a lot of things and people. I have also obviously done a lot of nasty stuff in the past (more long stories). I forget karma and suddenly i forget that the ripening of all of this is actually a positive thing. Unfortunately, my reaction then creates more karma to deal with later. Without really understanding and using this truth in everyday life, suffering results will never cease. Further, all the other Teachings rely on getting a firm grasp on this one.

He says it better. He always does.

Thank you again Rinpoche. This should keep me busy for a lifetime or two.

Impermanent

Sometimes I like impermanence more than others. My 36 year-old sister-in-law died of brain cancer on January 3rd (also JRR Tolkien's birthday - cuz i am a geeky Buddhist). I did the Buddhist practices and requests and family duties. I didn't know her very well, but she was a sentient being whose life was marked by loads of suffering, so i do wish her well on her journey. One of my patients also died last week. She had a blood clot in her leg that broke loose. She was 29. I knew her less well, but she also had that sort of life. My prayer is that they both worked off enough negativity this life to meet Dharma in their next one.
My big quandary these days involves whether to study and such on my own or get involved with a Dharma center that is less than an hour from me, but a different lineage. I have connections to both lineages... Trying to weigh and examine the whys and wherefores of the options. I could also do correspondence study. This appeals to me, but I really miss receiving teachings in person. Structure helps me and homework keeps me on the cushion. I know I know, not the point, but there is something about the accountability. The local set up is not that sort of center. Much more ad hoc and random. So, here is sit.
I am like this at the pool also. Sit on the edge and think about getting in, while my feet go in and out of the water. That is where the structure comes in. I overwhelm myself and freeze if i think about the enormity of the task at hand without a way to break it down and follow some sort of plan. This leads me to think that an online structured thing would be good, but where to start.
Did i mention i am my own worst enemy...
And a procrastinator.
More on that later...
My temper is my downfall on a more moment to moment basis. Still working that out. I have gotten better, but i get overwhelmed too easily. Grasping and all that. Fear based. Fear of loss and change and getting yelled at. That sort of thing. The 8 worldly dharmas are alive and well and still wreaking havoc in my mindstream. Perhaps a starting point then.
For those who don't know, check them out here.
I will also and continue this soon.

Today is a constantly emerging moment

I could get into the daily crap of the last year, but that is beside the point ultimately. Now, having totally gotten caught up by babysteps, i am working on detoxing from that. I have fairly recently gone vegan and have canceled my video games. I am watching Lama Zopa Rinpoche instead of Scooby Doo (yes, 49 and still find it therapeutic at times). I am considering canceling my cell phone. We will see on that. I have dusted off my altar and restarted Liberation in the Palm of Your Hand. I am quitting the second job and living in my means, I am bringing my non-Buddhist husband along kicking and screaming. I am not sure what form this blog will ultimately take, but I work on a psych floor, have a sister-in-law dying of brain cancer and 4 cats (the one who was sick died August of 2014 from intestinal cancer), so there is no shortage of potential lessons/teachers/insights possible in any given moment. 

I will leave you with this: if this moment is a constantly emerging now, so is today. Therefore, everything will get done today, the sun may just go around in the meantime. 

Just keep swimming.