Heart in this case, not steps. I only took the meds for 2 days. They made me feel numb, so i went back off. And ended up on a cardiac floor for a night with chest pain and palpitations. Scary since my grandfather died of a heart attack when i was 2 and i had most of the weird symptoms that women get with heart attacks. However, my blood work was fine and the next day my ekg and blood pressure were back to normal and i could move around without pain or profuse sweating. I worry about having called out for it, as i did not give enough warning for it not to count as an absent (not a sick) which could in theory get me written up. Hospitals frown on sickness. I get to be sick up to 5 times a year, and never on a weekend. Which means i work a lot when i shouldn't. With everything from the flu to pneumonia to gastrointestinal super bugs. I wish i didn't have to, but sick people keep insisting on coming to the hospital, so there you go.
Back to the steps...
I went to a local Dharma study group the next Sunday. I probably won't go back. Nothing wrong with them. I just have other things to do and can read a text on my own with commentary rather than reading it aloud with others.
I have no idea how this will get me buddhish... Except that i know i have to reduce some stress and that means crossing the road to the meditation side. Not the medication side. And so i have started running again. My first 5k is sunday. For a group who helps kids who lose a parent to cancer. Nice side effect. But, running, bicycling and gardening are all meditational for me. They get me to let go. At least for a few minutes. And that is a start.
Babysteps in Brooks running shoes.
Now to work on the anger... sigh...
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