Three steps back

As it turns out, i may still need my antidepressant. My doc and i were getting me off it. Then the crying out of control emotions started.
Then bombs went off, a fertilizer plant exploded, my cat pooped on the futon where the guests were sitting, one of the patients stabbed a visitor repeatedly in the face with a colored pencil, my husband was injured at work and... let's say it was a long week.
Spent about 12 hours working on flower beds and clearing stones out of the yard this weekend. Got some pheromone scented collars for my feuding kitties. Took a long bath. Restarted the meds. Thought long and hard about it. At least for now, i need to take the edge off until my practice and brain can deal with things again. Sometimes i feel like an absolute Buddhist failure for that.
Had a weird dream. My parents (who would never do any of what follows) were driving to Oregon to see my nephew (who is looking for work out there). On the way, they stopped at a center and met and spoke with Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche, who greatly impressed them. They started practicing Dharma and were looking for a center. In my dream, DPR's students in our area had just started a study group. So, my parents and husband went along with me to study.
I'm thinking it is more about my wanting things to settle down than about anyone going to a study group.
Somewhere in my mind there is the sense of nothing to settle and peace. The crashing waves soon drown it out.
Still better at study than practice/meditation.
And so it goes.